I think a lot. About a whole bunch of stuff. Sometimes the best way to derail a runaway thought-train is to write it out. So I hope this makes sense.
The latest ponderous ponderings have to do with our personal and collective mythologies. How we get reality to mold to our fantasies, or not. Let me give a few examples of what I'm talking about; a cottage by the sea, losing that last five pounds so you look like a TV character does in her jeans, having a 'perfect' job, marriage, family, house etc. Of course, everyone's idea of perfect is different, even if only slightly in certain societal pockets. But collective life-fantasies exist and persist. Ralph Lauren based an entire career on them. If you have a tweed riding jacket, for that second when you slip into it, part of your psyche escapes to the parallel reality of Ralph's collective, horsey-country-club-fantasy exploitation. If that's what you want. That's a silly example, but these fantasy lenses are everywhere we look.
Copyright New Line Cinema
I loved this bit of dialogue from the end of the film PLEASANTVILLE:
David's Mom: When your father was here, I used to think, "This was it. This is the way it was always going to be. I had the right house. I had the right car. I had the right life."
David: There is no right house. There is no right car.
Image from The Big Lebowski, Working Title Films
I think the reason these thoughts have been going around and around in the Jane-O-Matic is that the older I get, the less energy I have to pursue some vision of how I think things should be. How they should LOOK, mostly, if I'm honest.
Cue The Dude's, "Aw, fuck it..."
I have to allow things to be as they are due to circumstances, lack of resources, and plain old exhaustion. I'm forced to admit my life has always been like this! The places I've dwelled in have been shabby, furnished more by chance than by choice. Same with my wardrobe. My place of residence, while just fine, is not my home but someone else's home. That's the way it is and the way it needs to be right now. It's a good thing. (Martha Stwart reference intended.)
And you know what? The more I let go of a 'vision for the future,' I'm finding I'm more present in my actual life. I'm LIVING my life. The parallel dream-lives are fading and cracking like old celluloid. As an artist and writer, the best place for me to allow my dreams to rule is in my work.
While material objects may be molded to fit a pre-conceived notion, people don't cooperate. It's my family, friends and personal connections that have made my life, so far, Practically Perfect in Every Way.
So, what's been on your mind lately? I'd love to know.